A few months ago I was travelling on a packed train when a lady got on with a young child and was stood up. I got up and offered her my seat which she gratefully accepted.
After the journey one of my friends criticised me saying the world has changed, women want equality, its first come first served with seats.
I did not agree, our journey was only about 20minutes and the lady was struggling with a child (not that these points would have made a difference).
Was I wrong to do what I did ?
I don't think so I was actually quite pleased with my behaviour.
Anyway this argument led to other discussions on been a gentleman, what do you think ?
1. If you are sat waiting for a date in a bar or restaurant should you get up when the lady arrives ?
2. Is it ok to buy a person a drink and not expect one in return ?
3. Is anything wrong with buying a lady a no strings attached meal just because you like the person as a friend ?
4. Should you hold open the car door for a lady to get in ?
I'm sure there was a few more we discussed what do you think ?
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12 comments:
Your standards aren't dated. I think the situations you refer to concern basic manners more than gender relations.
From my point of view, a woman struggling with a child and standing in public is not making a statement for women's rights (except maybe don't have children--I'm kidding). You did the right thing, I would give up my seat.
1, 4. These actions are polite and make a good impression, but it doesn't seem totally neccesary unless somebody needs assistance.
2. Buying someone a drink and/or dinner is a gesture that reflects your generosity. If you always expect generosity to be repaid by anybody, you'll probably be dissappointed.
In all of these cases, "women wanting equality" goes both ways. Tradition dictates men pay for meals on dates or open doors; in this day and age, women should contribute and do their part to be courteous to men, too.
Vanessa,
I agree with all you say here they are just common sense and good manners to me.
As for buying drinks and meals I have done that for both male and female friends, a lot depends on each persons financial situation who pays.
I wouldn't see a friend sat at home because they are out of work and/or short of money, I would expect them to do the same for me.
That is called chivalry and it is nice to know it is not dead. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a kind compassionate person. I have no problems makes cookies for my co-workers and not expecting anything in return, I have gotten up on the bus to let a pregnant lady sit and I always thank men when they hold the door for me. It is just good manners!
I agree with the others! It is just being polite and using some good manners. I also hold doors open for people and am grateful when someone does so for me :)
ladies,
I think the point we are all making is about good manners. The origional argument I had with my friend was the fact he was saying I shouldn't offer my seat because women want equality and chivalry is dead. To me it was just common sense.
Kristine,
I totally agree with your point about buying friends drinks when they can't afford it, thats what friends are about. I'm lucky I've always been in work and earned a reasonable wage, some of my best friends have not been as lucky.
I can never understand these women that dont like the door opened for them etc, I think its lovely. My husband never goes through a door before I do and even walks on the road side of the kerb. I dont expect it, but it is nice.
My Dad always taught us to 'stand your round' drinks wise. If I can afford it I do. :)
Mick, you're fine.
you were absolutely NOT in the wrong! I bet you would have done the same thing if it was an older man! It isn't about equality I think.. I think you were being a kind person! I for one would have been GREATFUL if someone did that for me. I know what it is like to be on a bus with a child.. actually TWO! If I had to stand with them I think I would cry LOL
1.. If there are no chairs for her to sit on lol yeah get up and offer her yours.. otherwise, nope. I wouldn't expect it.. it would just make ME uncompfortable.
2. Yup.. that's more about being a giver and not a taker lol
3. Yeah.. and probably she will do the same for you sometime.
4. I would LOVE it if my husband held the door open for me LOL
Airliebird,
Walking at kerb side I had forgot about that one.
Regina,
Thank you for the compliment.
HMR,
Thanks for your positive comments, I believe good manners is about the type of person we are.
I'm running behond but what you did was not wrong, it was very gracious.
Greg will open the door for me or pulls my chair out. He asks me what I'd like when we go out to eat and then orders for me. It's really nice.
I think it's cuz he's older cuz I can tell you right now, the guys my age or like Belbo who are a little younger, NEVER do this.
Also, a man used to walk on the side by the traffic when a woman was walking with him. That way the dirt or mud would splash on the man and not the woman.
Those days are long gone!
Rachel,
I don't think the day's are long gone, its just a case of who you are with.
Some of us (hopfully me) are more of a gentleman than others. Greg sounds to have some of that quality in him.
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